Even though everything in my life is just about as perfect as it can be right now, there is still a part of me that is afraid to just let go completely and enjoy it.
After spending a lifetime "on guard" as it were… defensive… waiting for the other shoe to fall… it seems like a challenge for me to just totally relax and allow myself to be completely 100% happy.
I grew up in a fearful environment. My father is deathly afraid that something bad is going to happen (even though the majority of his life has been extremely happy and uneventful). He lives in constant fear. I think some of that rubbed off. Don't get me wrong. I am a happy, positive person, the majority of the time. But there is always a tiny little part of me that stands "on guard"… like a little soldier at the ready… just in case.
It's like, if I actually completely just let go…. I am creating a space for the bad stuff to enter. Not sure if I am explaining this very well, or even if it makes sense at all, but I am sure there are some of you who can relate to this fear of being really content.
or just being happy to be you
So lately I have been consciously catching myself over the past few days, and actually deliberately "letting go". Stress and tension and fear are a learned response, nothing more than a habit. Happiness can be a habit also. But it needs to be practised daily. It is my intention to make being ecstatically, blissfully, joyfully happy my new habit, until it just become as natural to me, as being stress-filled has been in the past.
I know it's totally possible. To a huge extent I have already lived it. My life today, compared to what it was like growing up, is worlds apart on the happiness scale. And the more I practice unconditional happiness, the easier and more effortless it becomes.