A little over a month ago, I decided to take a break from blogging and writing.
I felt that I needed to take stock… to spend a little less time "preaching" to others, and a little more time in spiritual reflection, contemplation, and basically… experimentation.
Through my reading of Ram Dass, I had come to once again believe that I needed a specific path. For decades of my life I had earnestly searched for that one label that would define my spiritual beliefs and put me in a category, that I could proudly display to the world. I'm not sure why I had such a deep desire. Maybe it was just to fit in somewhere… when for most of my life I had not felt that I belonged anywhere in particular.
Eventually I came to realise (and perhaps even celebrate) the fact that we do not need a label. We don't even need a specific path. At least not one that has been trod by another. And I was happy with that decision. It made sense. I firmly believed that all roads lead home. The well worn roads, as well as the newly forged one's. God didn't create 7 billion individuals only to expect them all to conform to the same way of being. If there is ever any doubt whatsoever that God enjoys variety, just take a look a nature.
discovering your own path
But when I read of the experience of Ram Dass meeting Maharaji in India…. well…. I was envious. It reminded me of that longing I once had. I wanted that "ah-ha" moment. That instant when I felt "home".
So I went looking for it.
For a brief moment, I even thought that I might have found it.
Until I looked a little deeper and realised (once again) that what is right for one, may in fact, not be right for all. And whilst all other paths offered aspects of my own personal "truth", none represented the complete picture. So there was disappointment, sure. There is definitely still part of me that would dearly love that label.
But it's not who I am.
It's not how I was created.
There are those who follow.
Those who walk the path of many who came before.
And there are those who make their own way, discovering, learning and creating as they go.
And that is fine. Nothing wrong with either path. We were created different for a reason. We all have our own purpose, our own mission. I know that there will be those who will want to share with me the "the one true path"… and I appreciate the gesture, I really do. I am sure it is coming from a place of love and concern.
In the end, I went looking for something I already had.
I guess my relationship with the Divine had taken a little bit of a beating, whilst I was SO busy this past year trying to be something I will never be, wanting something I will never have (nor need to have). But through that process I have reconnected with what is truly important to me. I got my focus back. And hopefully… I learned a little along the way.