I always knew these days were coming but I never really realized how hard they were going to be.
As the term applies, my nest is now empty, meaning my children are grown up and going off into the world to find their own lives.
There have been times that I thought that I could not wait for this to come, but those moments were really very few, when my kids were much younger and I had no clue as to what I was doing as a parent.
They are not little for very long!
So now that the time has come I fully grasp this situation. There is a loss of part of my self, a deep, overwhelming sadness that my children are moving on, without me.
My son has only just left to go to South America for 2 months. I love him and will miss him terribly. He has been gone several times before for varying lengths of time but I think South America itself holds so much unknown for me that I can't help but be worried about him travelling alone.
Now I know he can look after himself, especially after living in Hobart for 3 months on his own, where he just seemed to grow from the process. I can only pass him into Gods hands and ask that he be watched over in his life.
It only feels like a moment ago they were young!
My daughter, living out on her own for almost 3 years, travelled Europe for 7 months and did so with no help, financially or otherwise from her parents, had the time of her life and came back. Now she is in the final stages of preparing to move back to Canada. This tugs at my heart strings. She will be so far away. I know she will do well in whatever she decides to do and wherever she decides to go, but boy oh boy, I will miss her like crazy.
So as a friend put it - I am grieving. It feels oppressive and huge. My children are a part of me, and I am giving them up to their own lives. I always knew these days were coming and I knew I would let them go, without guilt or remorse, for I want them to live the lives they are meant to live, wherever that may be. But I never realized how hard it was going to be.
My kids fill me with love!
So I have allowed myself time to grieve and quite frankly it has been amazing though I didn't realize how sad I could be and how huge the sense of loss.
But at the same time I have 2 amazing, self-sufficient, worldly adults who have proven that they can live their lives on their own terms, in their own ways, and are going to be amazing at their lives. I am super proud of them and wish them much love, laughter, strength and courage to carry on when things are tough, to thrive and to live with adventure and joy. I also know they leave with lots of love in their hearts for their parents.
And now it is my turn to look at how to spend my empty nester years looking after and growing myself into the writer/healer that I want to be. There is nothing that I cannot do!
My time to fly!
But it will have to wait until I finish being sad, which is almost done. Namaste.